Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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