help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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