I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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