airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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