at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
