its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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