Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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