So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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