Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking