saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?