If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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