One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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