Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
