I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
