Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
