yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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