I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize