We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
