he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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