I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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