we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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