a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
