they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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