I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I supernannyed him into submission
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
