what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
