I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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