remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
