If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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