would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
