I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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