Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
