I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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