me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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