Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
