Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
