She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
