I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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