11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
