dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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