he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
