dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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