Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
