dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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