Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wow bdsm is so cute
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
