I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
