highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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