I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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