Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
