there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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