I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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