when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
