1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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