mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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