3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
