it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize