Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
