Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
