cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
