Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
