you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
