The maid of honor just puked.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
