If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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