You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
