He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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