You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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