I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
