Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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