You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
