Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
