Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
