I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
