Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Are we in a gay sports bar?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
