I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
