You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are we still banned from the library?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
