need another drink. this is the easiest way
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
